I am no longer religious

This is a "coming out" of sorts: I am no longer religious. I am agnostic now, and I have been for quite some time.

Not to be confused with being atheist, this means that I don't know whether there is a God or not, and I'm not convinced that we really even can know for sure. I've had questions for a long time, but over the last few years I've begun to truly embrace the philosophy and speak about it more openly, ultimately culminating in this public affirmation.

So how did I get here?

I was raised Independent Baptist, which means nothing here because, by definition, every Independent Baptist congregation is unique. However, I chose to go to an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) high school, and that label comes with a very specific connotation. I don't care to go into all of the reasons why that sect is awful, but I'll highlight one characteristic for the purpose of this post: this group holds strongly to the Arminian theology that we choose God of our own free will. This mindset comes accompanied with much judgment and condescension towards those who do not choose as wisely as oneself.

In my twenties I discovered a much freer version of Christianity in the Presbyterian Church, which holds the Calvinist view that a sovereign God is truly in control of everything, including our choices. The irony of that statement is not lost on me.

I very much enjoyed my time with the Presbyterians, and I still dearly love many of them personally. However this was yet another step in my spiritual journey.

My first impasse with Christianity lies in the concept of Hell. I cannot bring myself to embrace the idea that an omniscient and omnipotent creator of all things, who is at the same time loving, holy, and just, would create a place of eternal damnation for those beings whom he did not choose or who did not choose him. Maybe some other time I will go into more detail on that, but for the purposes of this post it is sufficient just to say that my understanding of the Christian God and the Christian Hell are incompatible.

Now, I am aware of the doctrine of universal salvation, which says that all souls eventually find their way home to God, but that is rejected by most of Christianity, and it doesn't provide any answers for my second impasse: if God is truly omnipotent, loving, holy, and just, then why is there so much suffering? You can argue that eternity in heaven will be more meaningful because of our suffering on Earth, but I call bullshit. You see, if God is truly the omniscient and omnipotent creator of all things, then the answer to every hard question is ultimately: because God made it that way.

Ultimately I am left with two versions of God that are not Godlike to me: 1- omniscient and omnipotent, but not interested in saving humanity; or 2- loving, holy, and just, but powerless to do anything about it. Either of these gods may very well exist, but I'm just not that interested in interacting with them.

That may leave you wondering where I find my moral compass. I believe in the preservation of life, liberty, and beauty, with human life being the top priority, and those closest to me being my greatest responsibility. This is the basis I propose for all actions and policies.

And as for what happens to me when I die, well I guess I will find out when I die. Or maybe I won't, because maybe there won't be anything. But I do know this: even the Bible tells me that the only moment I can be sure of is this very moment right now. And so I will attempt to make the most of every moment by living the principles I laid out above. And if it turns out in the end that this was not enough for a co-dependent deity who needed me to love him and tell him how awesome he was then I guess we're all kind of screwed, aren't we?

Peace.