Copied from Facebook March 11th 2017

3/11/2017 - 

On this day two years ago some things came to a head that changed my world. By the end of the day my marriage was at the beginning of the end. This was a change I knew was necessary, but it was not my timing.

That day I lost a lot of things, including respect, trust, most of my community, and a shared home with my children, but I finally found authenticity. I had become trapped in a facade that I couldn't uphold much longer. If things had not crumbled that day, then it surely would not have been much longer. It was just a matter of time.

But time...

Two years later I'm still struggling with the challenges that were introduced that day, but now the result of the effort is growth and progress rather than sinking deeper into depression and anxiety. Now that I know who I am I can strive to be the best I can be. Now I can build on truth and reality instead of building a fragile facade on a crumbling foundation of lies.

So I'm building. Building me. Building my family. Building relationships. Building my career. Building my future. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

I welcome all those who want to build with me.

P.S. I'm happy to converse privately if you have questions or just want to know more.

Edit 1: I just want to be clear on something that I accidentally left fuzzy: it was my fault. As much as something involving two people can be the fault of one, it was mine.

Edit 2: Also, the biggest lesson I've learned in all this is that I can't judge anyone because I have no idea what they have experienced and there's no way I can know what is right for their life.

I pledge allegiance

I am hesitant to pledge allegiance to any flag, because flags are all too often accompanied by zealots with a fervent ideology that divides people into groups and presumes that the people in their own group are somehow greater than those who are not. I pledge allegiance to the pursuit and preservation of life, liberty, and beauty, in my own circle first, and then progressively outwards in my community, my country, and the world.

Here

I'm gonna go ahead and add my two cents worth:

Life is hard. Life is complicated. We all make mistakes, and sometimes the resulting consequences last for years, or even a lifetime. Very often we will reap those consequences long after we've left the mindset we inhabited when they were sown.

Sometimes the hole you've dug is so deep it feels like you can never get out of it. You grow up and learn from your mistakes, and you can see what you should have done. You can see where you should have been by now, but that doesn't mean you can get there.

So you arrive at this place where you are trying your best to right your wrongs and get to the place you think you should have been. At the same time you're trying to acknowledge the reality that you may never get there. 

But let me tell you this: in this place, there is no room for judgement. I look around and see other people who are in their own pits of consequences, and I am in no place to throw a stone in their direction. Where previously I would have acted in pride and arrogance, I now feel great compassion.

Maybe I am where I should be after all.

Harmony: How I found myself this year

Even as a young child taking piano I hated practicing my lessons in that little room in the back of the house, and now as an adult and a bassist, I still don't ever "woodshed".  In fact, I picked up bass in 1996 and figured out everything I now know during band practices from then until now.  I just don't have any desire to lock myself in a room and slave over scales and modes and such.
So I was only half joking when I was complaining to Aubrey that I would have to go home and practice my bass to get the hang of the awesome and unusual bass line she had written for her newest song.  However, she was not joking at all when she asked me: "Don't you just love to play bass anyway?" I stopped and thought about the question. "Well, I don't DIS-like playing bass, but I certainly don't wake up with an urge to play it." And then the crisis hit me:

Why do I play bass?!?

This is the primary instrument I've been playing for nearly 2 decades, in countless bands and at church, and I am not sure that I love playing it!  I am not sure why I play it!  It is half of my identity and it has no known purpose!

At this point I am in turmoil and everything that I think I know is in question.  Until I finally made this realization:

I play bass because of the relationship of the bassist to everyone else in the band.

For those of you who do not know, the role of the bass in rock music is similar to that of glue in woodworking.  Glue holds things together, while also maintaining appropriate separation.  Glue fills in gaps.  And when quality glue is applied properly, it dries clear.  The bass (and bassist) in rock music works in very similar ways.

So the realization here was that I play the instrument I play because of relationships.  It was from there that I made another realization:

I play music for the sake of the fellowship and community.

Sure, I value the artistic content of music, and creativity is very important to me, but the highest priority for me in music is fellowship.  People are what matter most.  All of a sudden it all started to make sense!  It is no wonder I never wanted to practice alone- my whole purpose in playing music was to be with people and strive together in a creative process with them!  And this explains why I always enjoyed singing harmony- there must always be at least one more person.

I truly value art, but I value it most in the context of community.  And then it hit me:

My whole life has been about community!

As far back as I can remember I have had a deep desire to overcome differences and bring people together.  I have always hated religious denominations.  I have always thought that mulatto children were beautiful, literally and metaphorically.  I have always felt strongly about unity, and I have always had a desire to provide means for people to simply come together.

The theme of my life is Harmony.

At 35 I feel both silly and blessed to have just figured out who I am.  I realize that I have always been who I am, but I am just now figuring it out.  Some of you may be reading this and thinking, "Well, tell me something I didn't already know!" but for me this is monumental, life-changing.  I can now view every opportunity in my life through the lens of who I am, and what I am pursuing, and involve myself in things that truly work towards my dreams and goals.  I cannot describe for you what a joy and a relief this is.  I can only hope that your realization is imminent, and that you can know this joy also.

Happy New Year!  Here's to being the person you were created to be!

Why I Do Drink (a response)

I read an article tonight about why the (Christian) author does not drink. I appreciated the fairly non-judgmental tone of the article, and I felt inspired to try to write a civil and carefully worded reply. Here is the original article: http://www.echohisheart.com/2013/07/22/why-i-dont-drink/

Here is my response:

I disagree that the Bible says- in it's entire context- not to be drunk. I believe it would be more accurate to say that it says not to be a drunk. I agree with the context of not being controlled by something other than the Spirit, but I think it is really referring more to a life-style rather than individual occurrences. This applies to alcohol, food, sex, money, power, even religion! But then this is one of those areas where I have strong feelings about grace and legalism and black/white lines. Suffice it to say, I bet the wedding guests were pretty far into the fuzzy area when Jesus reinvigorated the party with new wine. Being a drinker now, there is a place between sober and drunk that I like to refer to as "merry'. I think it is important to surround yourself with people that will help you avoid sinning in that situation, but that is part of a later point.

I am all about financially contributing to local community creative ventures. I believe that God is very interested in community and creativity, and craft beer (translation: beer that is made for taste, not for drunkenness) is a phenomenon that exhibits both of these traits. Please, take my money so that I may celebrate your creativity on my taste buds and help you put food on your table!

Abuse of alcohol certainly and tragically dulls sensitivity to many things, including the Spirit. However, careful enjoyment of it can lead to opportunities for growth. I have a fellowship of men that gather to enjoy craft beer and tobacco pipes, and I've seen countless conversations and discipling happen with the aid of a bit of "social lubrication" that have led to great movement of the Spirit in people's lives.

I think the running theme I see in Angela's post is that all of the things she has said are most certainly true about alcohol abuse. Hindered relationships is absolutely one of those things. But that is only one aspect of the picture. The group of men that I fellowship with have been meeting for about 4 years now, and I can't even begin to tell you about the healthy relationships that have come about from a group that meets to celebrate pipes, beer, fellowship, theology, philosophy, future, technology and a healthy amount of pure silliness. The relationships are not limited to our 3 hour bi-monthly gatherings. These are new relationships that are now spanning the country.

Another issue I have with the old legalistic approach I became familiar with in high school is that it makes everything black and white, and essentially mindless. it creates a scenario where a believer doesn't have to think about what they are doing, but simply follow a prescribed list of "dos and don'ts". I don't think that is what God had in mind for us. And moderation is a very grey concept that is clearly advocated in the Bible. Interestingly enough, I've seen too many 350lb preachers rail against smoking and drinking, while clearly having no concept of moderation with food, possibly because they have given themselves so few opportunities to exercise moderation. I actually WANT my children to see what it looks like to exercise moderation while enjoying the fruit of the vine.

I'm not going to reply to each of Angela's points, but let me just say that I believe that alcohol is a gift from God, hence the phrase "my cup runneth over". I'm pretty sure it runs over with wine. And not this silly stuff some preachers would have you believe was just water with some fermented grape juice to kill the bacteria.

I believe that making good beer is an act of creativity and beauty that is glorifying to our Creator, and that participating in this art is contributing to that. I believe that exercising moderation is very much a good thing. I believe that bringing people together to fellowship is something that God celebrates, and craft beer is certainly a vehicle for that. 

This is not as eloquent as i had hoped, but I'm just out of time. Perhaps this is helpful for some in explaining an alternate view.  Perhaps I can refine it and repost it later...

Be the cliché you wish to hear...

I have learned that you can’t tell the ignorant that they are ignorant, and those with closed minds will never hear a contradictory word you speak. Any hope for dialogue is futile. You can only hope that they may see the truth when it is presented to them.
I have learned the hopeless despair that arises when I start to think about the problems in our country and our world, and their seeming insurmountable complexity. When I think about how each issue is so intricately intertwined with all the others, and to what great scale, I ask myself, “how can one person ever begin to make a difference?”

And then I learned something else.

Recently I have learned that change is happening in my own little circle. Minds are opening and ignorance is being replaced with the pursuit of understanding. Problems are being understood and solutions are being developed. The crazy thing is that some people attribute some of these advancements to my efforts to make a difference in my own life.

So, what have I learned? Sometimes a cliché or two can actually be fitting:

What we need is “a little less talk, and a lot more action!”

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

The gift that keeps on giving?

What if the way some Christians feel about "the War on Christmas" is how everyone else has always felt about the evangelistic efforts of those same Christians?

What if the perceived push by some to remove God from our schools, government, and society is simply the backlash against the overzealous attempt of some to force superficial godliness on our nation through legislation?