A letter to my grandfather

My grandfather recently asked me what role God plays in my life these days. This letter was my answer to his question.

"As you know, I lived the first 30-some years of my life in the Christian tradition of my family and my community. I always wanted to believe it all. However, when my church totally bungled up their relationship with me at the time of my separation from my wife, it left me without a church home, and with the opportunity to face the reality that I've never actually been convinced.

Belief is an involuntary action. You don't choose to believe something. You either believe or don't believe, in response to information and experience that convinces you or doesn't. If someone says they "choose to believe" something, then what they're actually doing is choosing to act in the way they think someone would act if they believed that thing.

When I observe the suffering in the world, I am not convinced that a deity exists, or at least not one that is worthy of worship. Maybe there is an all-powerful being out there, but they are evidently unconcerned with the welfare of humanity. Maybe there is a higher being who does love us, but they don't have the power to make things right. Maybe there are multiple deities who are battling for our universe and there would be even more suffering if a good God wasn't protecting us as much as they could. I don't know. But I don't see evidence of an all-powerful and loving God.

Now I know that the response to that is usually, "but free will!" 

To that I say, "that doesn't make it okay."

The premise is that suffering exists because of the fall which was the result of humanity being given free will. And the importance of free will is because the chief end of man is to glorify God, but forced or programmed worship would be meaningless. So that means that God desires our authentic worship so deeply that he's willing to accept the existence of unfathomable suffering in the world as collateral damage? 

I haven't even brought up the concept of Hell, because I'm aware that there are varying flavors of Christianity that do not hold to the same beliefs about a place of eternal torment. I absolutely reject the notion that a good deity would create souls that will endure for the remainder of eternity, knowing that the majority of them will spend their infinite destiny in everlasting torment. I would be much more aligned with the variation that believes that hell is just the cessation of existence for souls who are not redeemed.

Now you might be thinking that I am just angry at God, or the church. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is true that I despise the fundamentalism that abounds in the Bible belt, but that is because it is a gross misrepresentation of the Christian life that I see many of my dearest friends living out. And I am not resentful towards my church for the way they handled mine and my wife's situation. I fully understand that they are human beings who were going through a very painful and complex situation, and made some poor choices in the process. I am grateful that they surrounded my wife and kids with support in the early stages of our separation, since I was not able to take care of some of those things at that time. I'm also grateful that they recognize where we are now and welcome me back to events there that I attend with her and the boys.

To be angry at God would require believing that such a being exists to be angry at. On the contrary, the circumstances I observe in the world today suggests to me that a deity must not be all-powerful or must not be concerned with the well-being of humanity. This is why I prefer to say that I am not convinced of the existence of a being worthy of the title of deity. I believe that if there is an all-powerful and loving deity who is concerned with the matters of this world, then they may convince me when and if they so choose. 

Absent the belief in a deity, I believe that the higher power in the world is the collective love of conscientious human beings who love themselves in a healthy way and love their neighbors in the same way. I believe that the opposing force in the world is the destructive and deceptive power of fear. I believe that love can be victorious over fear.

Having said all that, it is undeniable that 37 years in the church has shaped much of who I am, even still today. Also, I still live in the Bible belt. It is not at all uncommon for me to use religious vernacular and imagery in my conversations every day. I frequently speak of Jesus with people around me. In my life, God and the devil are metaphors for love and fear. Fear is undeniably a liar!

So to answer your question I will bring the conversation full circle: I don't believe in a God in the same way that you do or the community that I grew up in. But I do believe in a higher power of love, and I do meditate daily in these things and practice that faith perpetually.

I know this is not the answer that you wanted to hear, but I hope it gives you a better understanding of where I am, and hopefully the assurance that I have not arrived here without much consideration. My mind is most definitely not made, and I have no issue with you praying that I will someday see the light. I'm pretty sure my dad prays that prayer every day. And I work at a half dozen churches with pastors who know where I stand and very possibly pray that prayer often as well. And perhaps God will use them to show me something I've not seen yet. 

Thank you for caring enough to ask the hard questions. 💜

My current relationship with faith and Jesus

I love to talk about Jesus. 

This is confusing to some people, as I am fairly vocal about being an agnostic Humanist.

So I thought maybe it would be helpful and/or interesting for me to try to clarify what my current relationship is to faith and Jesus.

Before I talk about the present, I should probably establish where I came from. I live in the Bible belt. I grew up going to church 3 times a week, and attending school with daily Bible classes and weekly chapel sessions. Then I was actively involved in church until I was in my late 30s. I am probably above average in my knowledge of the Bible. I might even be well above average. This is part of who I am, and I have no reason to deny it.

Despite a painful departure from the last church family that I actively worshiped with, bad experiences were not my impetus for leaving the faith. My reason was quite literally reason. If you want to you can read more about that here: https://jasonfaylen.blogspot.com/2017/05/i-am-no-longer-religious.html.

So where am I now? 

This will be a series of points that describe a perspective that is likely unique to me.

I want to be very clear about something important: I am not "angry at God", which would require believing in him/it. On the contrary, I do not believe that a deity exists that fits the description I was taught about for most of my life.

Furthermore, I do not believe in anything "supernatural." I believe that there is nothing beyond the natural universe, but I'll qualify that by adding that I think that "natural" encompasses some things that spiritual people would probably categorize as supernatural.

I also want to say that, unlike some very vocal atheists, I have little desire to eradicate religion. I have many religious friends and loved ones, and we are in agreement on many things. I can probably find deeply held convictions in common with people from all faiths.

I believe that religion is frequently used to make the world a better place:
- I love it when religion is used to build up people and communities;
- I love it when religion is used to pursue justice;

I like to think that the occasions where I disapprove of religion are those situations in which it is actually being misused:
- I hate it when religion is used as a weapon to hurt or subjugate others;
- I hate it when religion is used to make ones self feel superior to others;
- I hate it when religion is used to subvert reason, especially as it pertains to medicine and science.

As a Humanist, I believe that human life is the highest priority we should honor in determining "right and wrong." There are a lot of catchy ways to summarize my value system, but I've found that my favorite one is already familiar to most people: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Even if I wanted to I could not disconnect myself from the Christian imagery and language that has permeated so much of my life. Fortunately, I don't want to, and considering that I still live in the Bible belt, and I am still surrounded by people who similarly understand this ideology, it makes sense that I continue to use this vocabulary that we're all familiar with.

So I love to talk about Jesus. I talk about Jesus more than many "Christians" I know. Some might even call me a Jesus Freak. I'm OK with that.

What do you believe happens to me when I die?

I call myself an agnostic humanist. I choose these words very intentionally. Agnostic just means there are a lot of things that I don't claim to know for certain. Humanist describes what is at the core of my perspective or worldview. I specifically avoid saying "atheist" because I'd rather be defined by what I do believe in rather than what I don't.

I'll describe it as briefly as I can:
(Agnostic) I haven't seen enough evidence to convince me there is any such thing as "supernatural" (though I believe that "natural" is much bigger than we usually think) so I don't make any claims as to the existence of a deity.
(Humanist) I think that human life is the most valuable thing we have and should be the basis of morality.

Recently I was asked what I believe will happen to me after I die. I jokingly replied, "well I hope my wishes are followed for my body to be donated to science!" To which they replied, "no, I mean what do you believe happens to your soul?"

Since I don't believe in anything supernatural, then I don't believe in things like souls or an afterlife. I believe that this life is all that we have and we need to make the most of it for ourselves and everyone we come in contact with.

However, if there is a higher power that decides our eternal fate (either of their own accord, or they've decided there are eternal consequences for those who don't "choose" them), and they are good, then I believe I'll be ok because I've been trying to do right by their creation. C. S. Lewis seems to agree with me (Tash/Aslan). But if that higher power would damn me to eternal torment because I was not convinced and therefore did not "choose" or worship them, regardless of how I lived my life, then I would not consider them good and worthy of worship, and I think we should all be concerned.

So that brings me to some questions for you:
Considering my position (unconvinced; I don't hate God, I just haven't experienced "him"), what does your God say I deserve when I die? Do you agree? Do you still find them worthy of worship?

Personal Responsibility

The world would be a better place if we all took more personal responsibility. Am I right?

The funny thing about personal responsibility is that it is *personal*. That means no one can decide yours for you, and you can't decide anyone else's.

Furthermore, it is unique to each person. Oh sure, there are basic principles that will apply to everyone, but your purpose in life will be different than mine, and that's how it should be.

I have a thing I like to say: Take responsibility and give credit. We like to switch those, but that usually results in selfishness and oppression. Unless someone reports to you for whatever reason, it is not our place to give out responsibility.

I struggle with this one, and I bet you do too. I challenge you to pay attention and be mindful of how often you give responsibility and take credit. I challenge you to intentionally switch those.

Why I am a humanist

Here is why I am a humanist:

Any time one's morality is based on a religion, then the deity of that faith system is the highest priority in determining right and wrong. If something "hurts" or offends the deity, then it is wrong, even if it hurts no people. If something uplifts or glorifies the deity, then it is right, even if it hurts people.

In humanism humanity is the priority. We also value animal and plant life, and even the "life" of the planet and universe, but humanity is the focus. If it hurts people, it's wrong.

Furthermore, religious morality (sometimes subconsciously or unintentionally) gives priority to people who value or align with the deity. Humanism gives priority to humans who value humans. No label (race, gender, religion, orientation, etc) changes that value.

I don't have a problem with your religion. I have a problem when any religion becomes a weapon against other humans.

The power of privilege

priv·i·lege

/ˈpriv(ə)lij/

noun
a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.

How do you react when the topic of privilege comes up? Why is that?

It's very easy for most of us to quickly make a list of the hurdles and disadvantages that stand between us and our ideal life, but what happens when we acknowledge our privilege? I can think of two very significant things right away.

Gratitude.

For many of us, if we're honest with ourselves about our "progress", it probably has less to do with how far we've come and more to do with where we started. If we're honest with ourselves, it doesn't matter how much we've earned, we've probably been given more. This should result in a healthy dose of gratitude, and a better outlook on life in general.

Compassion.

Once we learn to focus on what we have instead of what we lack, it becomes a lot easier to see what others lack. When we have identified the advantages we have that we didn't earn, we become less likely to subconsciously attribute someone else's hardship to lack of effort.

When we see how much we have we're so much more likely to give to those who don't, no matter how much we really have.

Love your Neighbor?

Ramblings of my mind and fingers:
I think a lot about Jesus' summary of the Law and Prophets: "love God and love your neighbor" (paraphrased). I actually think fairly often about many of Jesus' teachings.
Yes, I realize this seems weird since I have walked away from the Christianity I was affiliated with for so long, but I still believe there is a lot of valuable wisdom in His words and it is certainly relevant to the culture I live in. On top of all that, "love your neighbor" is still a great way to articulate my worldview these days.

In case you aren't aware, my family life "hit the fan" almost 3 years ago, and I've done a lot of self-reflection in the time since. With my concurrent departure from Christianity came a need to re-evaluate my moral foundation. I can sum it up by saying that my god is love. This means that I can really adapt "love god and neighbor" for my own guidance, and I think a lot about love, and humility, and prioritizing people and making sure they feel valued. I guess you could say that I'm a humanist. I'm also trying to pass on to my kids that loving people is the most important thing, regardless of your religious or philosophical perspective.

So I find myself asking what it means to love God and love your neighbor? Are they 2 separate things? Are they intertwined? Can I still love my neighbor even if I don't believe that God exists in the way He is described by American Evangelical Christianity (or at all)? What if I skip the first part for now and try to tackle the second part until I can understand the first part better?

Nevertheless, I am fully aware that it means something different to everyone, including the Christians in my life and in the culture around me. Which begs the question:


How do you "love your neighbor"?


I will say this: if doing the first (loving God) renders you unable to do the second (love your neighbor) or gives you reason not to, then I think you're probably doing it wrong. But then some people will just call their abuse or rejection of their neighbor "tough love".


If I bring up Jesus' admonitions about judging and throwing stones, and your first reaction is to divert and talk about not sinning any more, or talk about judging in the discerning sense, or talk about how sinners just use Jesus' words to shut up Christians who are really "speaking in love", then I truly believe you are completely missing the point.